Questions And Answer

Some useful info

Questions and Answers

I appreciate that you care about your friend and his happiness is important to you. I believe it's not easy to see your friend in an unhappy relationship, and it's great that you are trying to help him. Even though it's probably hard sometimes not to know what to tell him in a situation like this. It's important to listen to him and let him know that he can trust you. If your friend feels like sharing his feelings, let him talk, listen to him, and try to support him. You can sensibly tell him that some things in their relationship do not seem to be right and that the relationship shows signs of toxic behavior. For someone going through an abusive or toxic relationship, it can be very important to hear someone else naming the situation as violent, abusive or toxic. A person doesn't have to always realize that there is something toxic in their relationship, and it might help when you point it out. It helps to find out what your friend wants to do about his relationship, and it is important to support him. Allow your friend to make his own decisions and respect those decisions even if you don’t agree with them. Let your friend also clearly know that you are there for him, and that he can turn to you at any time. You can also recommend to him to contact one of the organizations where they focus on similar topics, and where he can talk to experts (see our list of helping organizations).

Tags: #toxic relationship, #abusive relationship, #help a friend

To find out that your friend is in an abusive relationship is often very shocking and it's normal, at first, to not know what to do and how to help. But it’s really great, that you are asking about this, and that you want to help your friend! The first thing you can do is to talk with her in privacy and in a safe space - you can sensitively ask her about her relationship and how she feels about it. It’s really important for your friend to know that she can trust you, that she can feel safe with you, and that she can confide to you. You should provide your friend with enough space to talk about things she is prepared to. It’s not good to push her into anything. You can tell her that what she is now going through looks like an abusive relationship to you, and that you think it would be good to contact specialized help (check out our list of helping organizations). Experts know how to talk about this topic sensitively and how to help and support your friend. Also, tell her that she has the right to receive help from the police and recommend to her to call the police if her boyfriend attacks her again. You are doing a great job just being a friend to someone who is in an abusive relationship. Sometimes this is not easy because it is common for victims/survivors of an abusive relationship to refuse help in some moments. Don't give up on your friend but also don't push her into anything she doesn't want to do. A victim/survivor of an abusive relationship often belittles the effects of it or say it's their fault. To leave an abusive relationship is not easy – abusive partners often systematically and purposely increase the victim’s self-confidence in order to increase the possibility that the victim will leave the relationship. So it is very important to be there for your friend when she is ready.

Tags: #toxic relationship, #abusive relationship, #help a friend, #physical abuse, #psychological abuse

Protecting your privacy is certainly not wrong, and if you don't want your boyfriend to read your private messages, it is fully in your right to refuse to give him your password! Not wanting to give him your password doesn't necessarily mean that you are hiding something. Likewise, providing your boyfriend with your messenger password doesn't necessarily prove full trust in the relationship. Trust and mutual respect should be unconditional in a relationship, not come only after you have fulfilled some condition. Trust and respect are also about establishing your own boundaries and respecting the boundaries of your partner, including privacy. An honest and open conversation about how you feel regarding this issue could be a good way to let your boyfriend know about your feelings and emotions, and how to address the issue of mutual respect and trust.

Tags: #toxic relationship, #digital abuse, #control

If he asks you to do something you don't feel like doing, you can try to talk about it. Try to explain to him that taking intimate pictures, or nude pictures, and sending them is not really your thing and you don't feel comfortable when he pressures you into it. If he respects you he will also respect your decision on this. And you have the right to decide for yourself about this any way you want! You alone decide what kind of pictures you take and to whom you send. If he continues to request these photos from you, you may refuse to do so and possibly end communication with him. You have the right to be with someone who respects you, respects your boundaries, and your decisions. Sending intimate photos is not necessarily proof of affection or love, and should only be done with the consent of both of you. You can read more about consent here.

Tags: #toxic relationship, #digital abuse, #pressure, #consent

You love your girlfriend and you care about her, but sometimes you feel like you're writing texts to each other too often. Having some time for yourself and your friends doesn't make you a bad boyfriend. It’s perfectly understandable and normal that you need this time. You can try to talk to your girlfriend and tell her that you want to spend more time doing other activities. You can tell her that you still love her, but having time for yourself and your friends is also very important to you. You can talk with each other about your expectations and how to spend time together so you are both satisfied. You can also talk about what causes her fear. Open communication can help you understand each other and set boundaries that suit you better.

Tags: #toxic relationship, #digital abuse, #control

It is really great that you care about your friend and that you are looking for ways to support her. What happened to her is not her fault. But, it is normal that she feels depressed after everything that happened to her. Self-esteem issues, self-trust issues, and the inability to say “no” are often results of teen dating violence. Abusive partners are very good at manipulating the other partner and they systematically lower their self-esteem on purpose. An abusive partner controls the other one and they lower their self-esteem as a tool to make sure that the victim stays in the abusive relationship. You can tell her that you believe her, and that she can talk to you about all of this. It is often very important to let the person know that you believe them, you don't judge them, and that you won't tell any of this to anyone else (if she doesn't want you to). Also, you shouldn't pressure your friend to talk about things she is not ready to talk about. You can reassure her that what happened to her was not her fault - the responsible one is always the abuser! You can also give her contacts to helpful organizations where she can receive professional support (check out our list of helping organizations).

Tags: #toxic relationship, #abusive relationship, #mental health, #help a friend

It is completely normal to feel bad emotionally and scared after what happened to you. It is important to know that you are not alone in this situation and that help is available. You deserve to feel better, so here is a contact for an organization that can provide you assistance in dealing with your situation, including psychological help. It is important that you visit a doctor as soon as possible in order to receive a pregnancy test and an overall examination (to make sure everything is OK). But it depends on the context, if you are very young, the doctor might have the obligation to report this as child abuse. We strongly recommend contacting some helpful organization (there should be some service which provides this help anonymously - for example, children helpline - for more, check out the list of helpful organizations in your country). In the organizations, there are professionals with whom you can talk safely about your fears and this situation, and they can help you decide what you should do. You can also check out the legislation regarding rape at this link, in order to make an informed decision of whether you will report this crime to the police. Whether you decide to contact professional help or not, we also think it's a good idea to talk about all this with someone you trust – it might be your friend, family member, or teacher. You deserve not to be alone with all your feelings and emotions, and they might also accompany you to the doctor or the police.

Tags: #sexual abuse, #rape, #mental health

Unpleasant, traumatic flashbacks or binge-eating are some of the frequent and normal reactions to this abnormal experience. Experiencing rape is very traumatizing and it's very common that it leaves the victim/survivor with consequences. It is normal that you still have flashbacks after all you went through. And you deserve not to be alone in this! Talking with your parents or other people about what you have gone through can be challenging, and that's understandable. You should not pressure yourself into that. Sometimes it helps to first talk with someone anonymously, you can check our list of helpful organizations to see if there is any service that you can write or call anonymously. They can also help you find ways how to talk about what happened to your parents or they can help you find psychological and other kinds of support. Professionals are ready to help you with the feelings you are experiencing when you are ready for it.

Tags: #sexual abuse, #rape, #mental health

The decision of reporting the crime of rape to the police is yours and only yours to make. In order to have all the necessary information to make an informed decision about this, you can contact a helpful organization (check our list of organizations to find one in your country). They can provide you with all the information regarding the legal aspects of this crime and your rights. Furthermore, they can prepare you for what you can expect when you report the rape to the police. They can also prepare you for the process of an investigation and trial. Alternatively, you can read about the legislation regarding rape at this link.

Tags: #sexual abuse, #rape

Rape leaves the victim/survivor with many different emotions. These emotions often involve anger or guilt. It is not your fault that you have been raped! No matter the circumstances, your boyfriend is the responsible one. You tried your best in that situation and it's not your fault that this has happened. No one has the right to violate your bodily autonomy and have sex with you without your consent! It is totally understandable that you feel it is difficult to trust people after what you have been through. Many other victims/survivors of rape feel the same way. Knowing your own feelings and trying to cope with what has happened can be somewhat challenging. It might help to contact an organization focusing on providing support to victims/survivors of rape (check out our list of helpful organizations). With experts, you can talk about how you feel in a safe and confidential environment. You can also talk about what can help you to overcome such a traumatic experience.

Tags: #sexual abuse, #rape, #mental health

Thank you for starting a conversation about this. It is important to be open and talk about the things that our partner does that make us feel sad or that don't seem right. Your partner shouldn't do things that you have not consented to and that can make you feel bad. She definitely has no right to share your personal messages! You can try to tell her how you feel about it, and let her know that she shouldn't do it. You have the right to your own privacy. You also have the right to be with someone who respects you and doesn't hurt you. You can take our quiz on toxic relationships to help you better understand if you are in a relationship that is toxic. You can also check out our website for guidance on what to do if you are in a toxic relationship.

Tags: #toxic relationship, #digital abuse

It is normal and understandable that the messages and calls from your previous partner annoy and traumatize you, especially if your previous relationship was abusive or toxic. A lot of people in a similar situation would feel the same way. Even if you were not in an abusive or toxic relationship, your ex-boyfriend shouldn't contact you anymore, if you let him know clearly that you don't want him to. You have the right to live without stress and you have the right to your own privacy. You could block him from sending you messages on all internet platforms and change your phone number. If this does not help you can read about the legal options you have in your situation at this link or contact some helpful organization.

Tags: #digital abuse

To detach from the partner we love, although he is abusing us, is usually very difficult and challenging for many women and girls. It's great that you have realized you have to break-up with him - it's a good start! Based on how you described your relationship, it sounds like an abusive relationship. It's very typical for abusive relationships that an abusive partner tries to control the victim, to have power over them, and prevent them from leaving the relationship. An abusive partner achieves these through various form of manipulation, influencing, blaming, reducing the self-esteem of the victim, etc. So leaving or detaching from such a partner is often a long way to go, and as the best thing what to do now we perceive either talking about this all with someone you trust (your friend, your parents, a teacher,…) or contacting experts - for example, social workers or psychologist focusing on partnership violence survivors/victims (check out our list of helping organizations). Pain relief may take a while, but we believe it is possible. You deserve a relationship without violence, a relationship based on love, comfort and safety!

Tags: #toxic relationship, #abusive relationship, #mental health, #psychological abuse, #physical abuse

The victims/survivors of intimate partner violence are also men and boys - any intimate partner violence is unacceptable and it doesn't matter whether the violent person is a woman or man. The things your friend is experiencing seems to us to be psychological and emotional abuse, even if there is no physical abuse in the relationship. Such psychological abuse is still intimate partner violence and it has consequences. Even this form of abuse can be proven if you want to report the abuse - by voice recordings, videos, or screenshot of messages she sends him in which threats and swearing appear. You can talk with your friend about the possibility of contacting professional help. Experts can help him to define what kind of evidence could be used in this situation and how it can be solved (for example if the option is to report this to the police). You can also take a look at our legal research and check the possible solutions. It is also important that you are there for him and that you support him - tell him that you believe him and do not judge him. In the case of acute danger, it is best to call the police, and they should respond regardless of the sex of the attacker and the victim - you can remind your friend about this and motivate him to call the police in case of danger. Your friend has a right to live without abuse and also has the right to end this relationship.

Tags: #toxic relationship, #abusive relationship, #mental health, #help a friend, #psychological abuse

It is normal and understandable that the messages and calls from your previous partner annoy and traumatize you, especially if your previous relationship was abusive or toxic. A lot of people in a similar situation would feel the same way. Even if you were not in an abusive or toxic relationship, your ex-boyfriend shouldn't contact you anymore, if you let him know clearly that you don't want him to. You have the right to live without stress and you have the right to your own privacy. You could block him from sending you messages on all internet platforms and change your phone number. If this does not help you can read about the legal options you have in your situation at this link or contact some helpful organization.

Tags: #digital abuse

The decision about when you want to have sex should always be up to you. No one has the right to pressure you into something you still don't feel ready for, or into something you don't want! You have the right to choose when, where, and with whom you want to have sex. And it's totally normal if you need more time for this decision. You can try to explain to your boyfriend that you still don't feel ready. Your boyfriend should respect your decision about sex, no matter what the result is! If he doesn't respect it, and continues to persuade you, you still have the right to refuse. Having sex with someone is not necessarily a proof of love. Sex should not be perceived solely as a proof of love but (also) as a manifestation of love, affection, and desire, and it should always be done with the consent of both partners! You have the right to say no. You have the right to take your time for this decision. You never owe sex to your partner, no matter what.

Tags: #toxic relationship, #first sex, #pressure, #consent